Hosts condescend to friend who declined their invitation to a 'silent dinner party,' call them close-minded and unsupportive: 'They said it was supposed to make them mindful and improve their non-verbal connection'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 9, 2025 4:00 PM EST

It's important to get out of your comfort zone every now and again. If you never did, you would never grow as a person. You certainly don't have to go skydiving, but little things here and there can create the same effect. You might never discover your burgeoning poetic prowess if you never attended that poetry open mic you were apprehensive about. Sometimes we get nervous about things because we know they will matter to us, and we don't want to mess it up. If you had never shown up to that pick-up pickleball game, even though you're insecure about your swing, you would never have met your wife (who graciously gave you some tips). We would miss out on all kinds of life stuff if we only went places where we were 100% comfortable. 

But it's up to you where you draw the line on how far you will push yourself. For example, I would go to a silent dinner party if a friend invited me, but I wouldn't go bungee jumping by myself. 

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  • This story is all about getting out of your comfort zone, and when you should have to do that. Should you push yourself for the sake of a friend, and is jeopardizing a friendship worth it, on either side? Read on to see what you think.

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    Cheezburger Image 10452132352
    via (Unsplash+) Andrej Lišakov

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for Refusing to Participate in My Friend's "Silent Dinner Party"?

    A friend invited me to what they called a "silent dinner party", where people could only communicate through written notes or gestures. They said it was supposed to make them mindful and improve their non-verbal connection. I asked if they meant the silence was optional since it felt awkward; they told me it was very integral to the whole thing.
    via u/Master_Key5453
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    I politely declined, explaining that it's not my idea of fun, and I'd feel uncomfortable. They're now upset, saying I'm being close-minded and unsupportive of their creative idea. Some mutual friends think I should just go to make them happy. But I feel like I shouldn't have to attend something that makes me uneasy just to avoid offending them.
    via u/Master_Key5453
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    I started to question whether I was being an a h le for not getting out of my comfort zone for their special event.
    via u/Master_Key5453
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    Commenters agreed that they weren't wrong to decline, but some interrogated why.

    SquiffyRae 7h ago NTA. You don't have to attend every event your friends host. I occasionally decline invites to events that aren't really my cup of tea. For instance, I'm not really a swimmer so any sort of swimming activity I'm not a fan of.
    via u/SquiffyRae
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    Also off-topic but a "silent dinner party" sounds like the sort of insane thing Hyacinth Bucket would come up with on Keeping Up Appearances. Trying to impress the head of the National Deaf Foundation, Hyacinth throws a candlelight supper and makes everyone communicate only in gestures or notes. Her neighbour Emmett gleefully accepts the invitation as he can be a fly on the wall to the chaos and for once not be subjected to Hyacinth's singing
    via u/SquiffyRae
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    MyHairsOnFire2023 • 7h ago Info: why do they think they are qualified to teach others to be "mindful" & how to improve their communication skills? And do they always try to act intellectually superior to their friends?
    via u/MyHairsOnFire2023
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    • Master_Key5453 OP 7h ago My friend thinks it was great and is ready to teach others the aspect of communication she was taught in a recent course she took. They have always been in baking us strange dishes and even though they don't act condescendingly, they make it known that they are more evolved than the rest of us. I think this silent dinner idea might be yet another way of them trying to preach to the group.
    via u/Master_Key5453
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    Heifering 7h ago ⚫ NTA for not accepting, but you should have responded differently. You should have held up a sign with one word on it: NO.
    via u/Heifering
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    Square-Minimum-6042 . 7h ago There was a post once about a bride who wanted a silent wedding reception so everyone could concentrate on her. That didn't sound like much fun either. I hope someone you know goes so they can report back to you. NTA.
    via u/Square-Minimum-6042
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    enchantedlaces 7h ago . NTA-You're not obligated to attend something that makes you uncomfortable. Politely declining doesn't make you unsupportive, and a good friend should respect your boundaries.
    via u/enchantedlaces
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    Kokamina23 7h ago • It sounds like a fun experiment to me, but certainly not for everyone and I don't think they should have gotten so upset at your declining.
    via u/Kokamina23
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    mtngoatjoe • 7h ago NTA. But do you only ever try things you think you'll like? | mean, I get it, it sounds like a stupid dinner to me as well. But I'd still give it a shot, if for no other reason than to support a friend. Sometimes you really do need to try something before deciding it wasn't worth the effort.
    via u/mtngoatjoe
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    Cheezburger Image 10452132864
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lišakov)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    wlfwrtr • 7h ago NTA You're invited to a dinner party where you can't eat. because your hands are busy writing notes or making hand signals instead of using utensils to eat? If you do eat them its cold. Doesn't make sense.
    via u/wlfwrtr
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    RachSlixi · 7h ago NTA. You were polite. That is the only thing they have the right to expect. If you aren't interested, you aren't interested.
    via u/RachSlixi
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    dryadduinath • 7h ago NTA, an invitation is not a summons.
    via u/dryadduinath
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    . Traditional-Load8228 • 7h ago NTA. No one has to go to a party. But what about it makes you so uneasy that you can't just try it? I admit I think it sounds sort of dumb and won't
    via u/Traditional-Load8228
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    achieve mindfulness. But it would be interesting to go to see how it plays out. It certainly doesn't sound scary. Just potentially boring. It might be good for you to try something new or out of your comfort zone.
    via u/Traditional-Load8228
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    Sweet_Shainna • 7h ago Definitely NTA (Not The A**hole). Your comfort zone is yours to guard, and just because an event is creative doesn't mean it's everyone's cup of tea. It's totally fine to support your friend's idea from afar without having to dive into the deep end of the
    via u/Sweet_Shainna
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    silent pool yourself. Props to you for being honest about your feelings rather than ghosting or being uncomfortable the whole evening. Maybe suggest an alternative way to hang out that feels more you!
    via u/Sweet_Shainna
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    ExitingBear • 7h ago NTA it's an invitation, not a - subpoena. And your friends shouldn't insult you when you turn it down. That said, if I were you, I'd go. It's one night. And either it will be kind of cool or else it'll be a great story at other dinner parties where you can talk.
    via u/ExitingBear
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    MinnGranny 7h ago This won't be a popular reply but I don't think a person should ever have to do something they don't want to (other than go to work) or something that makes them uncomfortable. Life is too short and has enough stressors to do deliberately add to the stress.
    via u/MinnGranny
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    Cumisha Jones • 6h ago . Tell them your hosting a dinner party to be mindful of " body positivity" and tell them they must attend
    via u/CumishaJones
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    . notthatgreatrytnow • 7h ago NTA You politely declined them. which is your right. Didn't mock their idea. And better yet didn't go and then sleep midway and start snoring on their couch breaking up the silence
    via u/notthatgreatrytnow
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    . Maximum-Ear1745 • 7h ago NTA. The point of such things is to push you outside of your comfort zone. They became the AH when they didn't accept your answer.
    via u/Maximum-Ear1745

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friendship invitation best friends experimental invitations friends listen to your friends reddit story pretentious Party dinner party dinner parties party time boundaries reddit thread Reddit comfort zone silent
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